This post is the second in a series and is taken from excerpts from Masculinist Newsletter #40. Here is Part One.
Avoid wallowing in bitterness and self-pity. The opposite risk of failing to recognize your wife’s sin against you (or somehow finding ways to justify or minimize it) is that you fall into anger, resentment, self-pity, and bitterness yourself.
Realistically, if someone does something bad to us, we are going to be angry about it. In fact, if we aren’t disturbed at some level, we probably haven’t fully accepted the reality of what that person has done. But we also need to make sure we go through the healing and forgiveness process and not end up stuck there (and also to remember that the anger of men does not accomplish the righteousness of God).
This bitterness can be directed not just at your ex-wife, but also at others we feel who have let us down: pastors, friends, etc. If you aren’t careful, you can end up like the people in that email above, which ends up repelling the very folks you need to help you move forward. I’ve seen way too many bitter, cynical, nihilistic people like this who populate the comment sections of manosphere type blogs. Don’t let that happen to you.
One thing I did in my divorce was to create a document with four sections: her good qualities, what I got out of being married to her, ways I hurt her, and ways she hurt me. I then prayed through these several times. I think it gave me a balanced perspective, especially over time, that did not lead to bitterness or to ignoring the realities of her actions.
Recognize that it will take a long time to fully discern the lessons you should…